Songs for a deaf God are moments that challenged identity - what living in a body like mine meant to me and to society, and where the divide lived. Whenever I stepped outside my “home”, I was reminded that I am other, broken somehow. It was this type of conditioning and concrete truths that were slowly dismantled; each painting a new sort of self-enforced, painful, and brutal self-awareness.
Once one piece was created another mirror appeared. After ten years of transferring these truths onto paintings - painful moments that did not always make sense at the time - a long-awaited identity arrived. Self awareness was empowering and a quick passage into surrender; a surrender and acceptance of all that came with living in this body, my body.
Today, I paint every day, knowing that every ounce of strength I put into applying each brush stroke is a measure of my life. My muscles aren’t vanishing, they are transforming into permanent echoes on canvas.
Daedalus, 2009 oil on canvas 24 x 30 inches
Daedalus is a self-portrait. It was painted when I started having cardiac problems. Is is about transformation, the alchemy of my body’s morphing into art. It holds both the fears of deterioration and the peace in admitting that our lives are exactly as they should be including the darkest moments.
Noche De Ronda, 2007 oil on canvas 42 x 32 inches
Noche de ronda and Ocean with no ebb speak to the evolving of gender. They hold the place where rebirth can begin.
Ocean With No Ebb, 2007 oil on canvas 33 x 43 inches
Songs For A Deaf God, 2004 oil on canvas 53 x 41 inches
This was the initial painting in the series and the first time I painted a realistic body. In some ways, it was another moment when I stepped further into the immensity of the universe regardless of my fears.
Inevitable Nature, 2005 oil on canvas 28 x 39 inches
Entropy, 2005 oil on canvas 28 x 39 inches
Ms. A’s Symptoms, 2006 oil on canvas 34 x 44 inches
Floating World And The lotus, Inevitable Nature, Entropy and Ms. A’s Symptoms are inner studies of awakenings.
Floating World And The Lotus embraces life’s natural cycles. Inevitable Nature and Entropy depict stages of loss and the comfort in accepting those losses.
Ms. A’s Symptoms is another visual visual introspection portraying who and how I love and it’s incalculable worth.
Floating World and the Lotus, 2006 oil on canvas 36 x 36 inches
Tomorrow’s Harrowing Altar, 2006 oil on canvas 36 x 36
Major Arcana, 2009 oil on canvas 48 x 30 inches
Major Arcana is an altar to the sacred truth that life continues beyond us.